We’re married!

What a totally fabulous, beautiful, stressful, and incredibly fun time it was out in Las Vegas!!

I’ve been debating how I write this blog because I wrote a rough draft on the flight home & hated it so…I don’t know how I want to tackle it so I think I want to do a “Good, Bad, & Ugly” type post.

So because I don’t want to end on an ugly note – that’ll be first. Even though honestly, nothing ended bad or ugly, everything ended up a-okay.

The Ugly ::::

1. I’m the only dumbass in the world who would believe that flying 6 people standby on her flight bennies would be a good idea to and from her own wedding! The flight to Vegas was perfect. Literally perfect. The day we were supposed to go home though? We attempted 3 flights that we didn’t make before giving up and going back to our hotels (my dad & aunt stayed with my other aunt who was staying a day longer than everyone else, I had a free night I gave to my mom and Gary at Bally’s, Clint & I got a free night from his sister at her hotel) – We tried again the next day & ,while we made it on by the skin of our teeth & the fact TSA was so insane that 27 people missed the flight, it was not without tears on my behalf, incredible nausea & nerves, and my dear friend Jade offering up her own standby seat to ensure we all made it. We did. Including Jade & her boyfriend. Life was good.
2. My dear friend & bridesmaid Lindsey (remember Lindsey from my Germany, Paris, & Morocco posts?) & her boyfriend Phill got threatened with a knife by their Lyft driver. I think this affected me more than either of them but y’all, what the fuck? Her flight delayed so I knew she would miss cocktails at Vanderpump’s but while she was finally able to be on her way…that happened & they got stranded on the side of the road. She called while we were having drinks but someone was giving a toast so I told her to hold on a minute – little did I know, she was literally on the sidewalk abandoned by a psycho Lyft driver. She was a trooper though…she made it to the show we went to see that night totally unscathed. That’s my girl!!
3. The reception venue. Now, don’t get me wrong, I largely enjoyed the venue but it was just physically ugly. Staff was fantastic, food was great (aside from dessert) but yeah…I don’t care for celebrity pictures & TVs but, that’s life. I chose what I could afford & hoped for the best judging by other bride’s reviews. But at least the food was good!!

The Bad ::::

1. My Maid of Honor, my cousin Jena, unfortunately did not make it. She had flight issues & it just snowballed from there. The first night we were in Vegas I had went to bed extremely early because I was exhausted…I woke up at 5 & checked my phone to see 6 missed calls & a few texts. I already knew this could not be good. When I learned officially she would not be coming, I messaged my girl Karren who y’all know I love so dearly, & simply said “Curl your hair & tuck in your titties, you’re walking as Maid of Honor” She looked gorgeous & all was perfect. We did miss Jena incredibly though. I love my girl! 
2. Lindsey’s bridesmaid dress broke apart ,like, 10 minutes after she put it on. Poor girl really had it rough this weekend. Our awesome friend Jamie (and seamstress superstar) sewed her into the dress.
3. While at the Orlando airport I got chosen for a random search at KCM (crew security) & had to go through regular pre-check. Well, they made me empty my pockets which had my passport & drivers license in it & I shoved them into my bag so I could pass through the body scanner & never thought about them again until we went to the Marriage License Bureau & needed a form of ID! Luckily for us, they accepted an old drivers license tucked deep in my wallet that had our Orlando address on it so we were back in the game & walked out with a marriage license!
4. I didn’t win a dime.

The GOOD ::::

1. Dude fucking everything. Seriously, where do I start?! I’ll start with the fluff. I felt like a gorgeous bride. I had the dream team of people making me feel beautiful. I have them all listed on a photo of me on Facebook & would recommend ANY of those ladies to anyone at any time. I didn’t look super bridal as I DID wear black but whatever man, I was glam & glam is what I wanted. Kallie, Taylor, Drea, Ellen, Katie, Michael, Kathy, & Amazon…you are rockstars.
2. Vanderpump at Paris. The PERFECT spot for a bridal event. I am feminine to my core – I love being a woman & this place was just so…sexy & girly. The drinks were fantastic (I had the “French Poodle” & a chocolate martini) & the truffle appetizer Karren ordered was divine. I was just so thrilled with that location. I will never be that type of woman that shits on being girly because they act like they prefer Busch Lite…I want the pink cocktail that has the cotton candy in it, thanks. So aesthetically pleasing, 20/10, would recommend.
3. Our flight to Vegas was perfect, we all made it on, we all got spoiled by the crew (I spoiled them too though! Expensive chocolates, Starbucks gift cards, & I gave them shuttle bus tip money for their layover), my daddy got his Bloody Mary’s, my aunt got moved to a window seat all because I mentioned she wanted one, and they made a beautiful announcement for us at the end of the flight (take note, Linda from my last blog post!) I adore my work family!!
4. Puppetry of the Penis. Yep. That’s the show we went to! It was held at the Erotic Heritage Museum, it was a bit sketchy when we got there and we were the only group there (more eventually showed) but it turned out to be as funny as promised. Absolutely ridiculous concept but ya know what? It’s Vegas baby. Did I need to see 2 men playing with their dicks for an hour? Did I need to know that a penis could be shaped into a hamburger? A sombrero? A pelican? Well, apparently I did & I do!! After the show I texted Clinton “Get ready buddy you’re in for an educational night!” & then passed out while he was in the shower. I am doing stranger and stranger shit with my friends but honestly if you can’t ogle a couple of penises with your friends…are they even your friends? Also, shout out to “Glasses”, Jade’s boyfriend who took Jena’s unused ticket & was one of only 2 men at the show – I truly think he enjoyed it & he even wrote on our guestbook the next day that he will think fondly about all the hamburgers we shared. Yes, so will I, & I will remain mildly traumatized that one can do that with their genitalia.
5. Our groomsmen did a replica photo of a scene from “The Hangover” – it was amazing.
6. My wedding had the most gorgeous cast of characters I’ve ever seen. My groom? Fucking perfect. Me? Flawless (except for the fact I got laced into my dress incorrectly, exposing more of my back that shouldn’t have been exposed but oh well I didn’t even notice until I saw pictures). Our parents? Lovely. I didn’t make my dad wear a tux to walk me down the aisle because I wanted him to feel like himself & to be comfortable & having him in a tux or suit would not make him comfortable at all. I didn’t give a dress code, I didn’t care what color you wore, I just simply asked that you didn’t show up in pajamas or wear anything that could be confused with a wedding dress. My bridesmaids were gorgeous. My groomsmen were hotties. My niece & nephew made me so proud. I was just so thrilled with how lovely everyone looked. It was a gorgeous group.
7. The food at Cafe Hollywood really was good! I was so worried about that but the pasta dish & the beef were both very good! I never tried the salmon. The cake was not impressive & quite dry though. Not a fan of the cake but I was so stuffed I didn’t even care. The staff were so kind to us & the waitress told Clinton I was the most beautiful bride she’d seen.
8. Jade broke a glass at the table which means good luck if it happens on your wedding day!! The waitress pulled her sleeves up & proclaimed “Look! I have chills!!” when it happened!
9. The speeches! And the fact that more people kept getting up to make speeches! We had 5 total. 
10. Clinton’s bachelor party experience! The groomsmen gifted him a super car experience so he raced a Ferrari F430 F1 edition (he had to walk me through what this car’s name was because I don’t know shit about cars) around a track. Then they rode some kind of super fast go-karts that you need s license to drive. They also went to Fremont for pizza at Evel Pie & drinks at Dicks. He was the happiest I’d ever seen him that night after racing the Ferrari – I honestly couldn’t bring his high down to tell him I just watched a man pull his foreskin down to where his junk resembled the Eiffel Tower so I just let him talk till he showered & again, I passed out. We have our whole lives for him to hear about the horrors I saw while he was living his best life. 
11. I loved seeing my friends and family meet and mingle with my other friends and family! I loved introducing my parents to my flight attendant friends. I loved the group that went to the show and to Vanderpumps! I loved having people like Long & Phill there! I loved watching Karren give Clinton’s cousin Peggy a big ol’ hug in person because they’ve only ever talked on Facebook. I just loved watching my loved ones meet & hopefully make new friends. 
12. Our wedding coordinator Megan, minister Vaughn, and photographers Candice & Catherine. There was not one single person working with us who I didn’t enjoy. I really enjoyed them. Megan especially, poor girl dealt with a lot from me.
13. I had dinner with Karren, Clinton, & a good friend of ours named Cat at Cabo Wabo on Thursday. All us girls started crying because we were all in our feels but let me elaborate…5 years ago, we were little baby Flight Attendant trainees in Vegas. We were just getting to know each other. I was single. I believe Cat was too, I’m not sure. Life was so different then. I had literally just turned 30 in Vegas – they made me feel special, all my flight attendants did actually. It’s 5 years later…we’re back in Vegas. They’re still making me feel special & loved. Those are my people. My season 1 cast. It was such a full circle moment.
14. My groom. My man loves me. I will never have to worry that he doesn’t. There is not one day that goes by where I feel anything less than worshipped. That man bawled when I walked down the aisle (I laughed like a fucking hyena but not at him, nerves I suppose) He shook my daddy’s hand & hugged my momma & told her he loved her & finally my laughter stopped and the tears started…we found someone that loves us. Not someone who tolerates us but truly loves us all 3 & is willingly accepting us as his family unit. Actually it’s 4 of us but as you know, Emma had to stay home. He loves her so much, sometimes I think he truly believes he gave birth to that damn dog. 
15. My momma & daddy walked me down the aisle together. It was quite an entrance. I don’t care. I don’t think any of us care for attention but it is what it is, I had to get to the front somehow!! My mom & dad both deserved that opportunity. They are mine, I am theirs. They have raised me & taken care of me both in their own ways. I pray every day that I make them proud & that they don’t feel like I’ve messed up too bad. I wish I could’ve flown us first class instead of on standby, I wish I could’ve booked luxury suites at the Bellagio for all of us, & had the reception dinner at Guy Savoy or even Carbone…but I can’t (yet) but what I can do is have them walk me down the aisle, in an amazing city that I flew us to for free, to a man that loves & honors all 3 of us.

Notables ::::

1. The party walked down the aisle to Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, I walked down the aisle to “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton, and we left to “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas. I was so anxious I didn’t even notice the music.

2. Clinton did a shot at dinner thinking it was Jager but was instead…a cup of soy sauce.

3. The Bellagio Christmas display was absolutely stunning! Jamie & I only had a brief visit but we loved it!

Sometimes I’m just like…I did it, man. I’m good. I can breathe now. It’s over. I can sleep again! Maybe I’ll stop waking up from panic! My stomach can return to normal. My wallet may recover…”may” as we’ll eventually have a honeymoon in a few months. Details on that, maybe never. I almost want to plan it in secret and just do it privately. Pop in on Facebook when we’re back & be like “surprise! We’ve been in the Maldives!” But for now, I’m glad it’s over. I’m happy to be home & out of the Vegas decadence.

Oh yeah, remember Linda from last post? The one with the batshit crazy announcement? Well she really WAS in Vegas & she worked our flight home to Orlando! She walked through the aisle telling people that Clint & I just got married 24 hours ago (it was longer) & that we were already fighting (we were talking about what we wanted as our snack) & then she offered to make an announcement for us…

– The Stremme’s